Typing.....

Actually its not okay.. Its nt okay at all for me. Maybe i think too much. Or maybe its just me. But it disturb me knowing how much they like her more then me. I know its stupid. I know she comes in 1st then me. I know how much ur mom used to love her or maybe still do. 

I know she's getting married and its a joyious moment and event. I know all of that but do understand just a bit pieces of me and this heart. 

I know all the ppl will say its nothing cause its e past and she's alrdy getting married but do know im just a girl. Its not totally a sin for me to feel like this. And to say im really totally fine with it is a total lie. 

 But i swear, im as happy as ur family are for her to embark in this new journey. Im just nt ready to see how sparkling ur family eyes are for her when sometimes im invisible to them.. Im sorry. I will understand how close u guys are to her so in return just understand myne.....

*clear text*

Unsend msg. 

Something that i want to say but i cant. 

Because i will look like an idiot.

Sometimes things like this you just hve to deal with it yourself.

Its between me and my mind.

The only battle that your ownself know that its crucial and noone will laugh at it. 

Where did it all go?

Your pride and dignity.

You protect for long..

Why did it end up like this?

Why are u crying now?

Stop.

Dont do it.

You were fine all along..

Im sorry...

Im sorry...

cut down

That, my dear pricks a lil bit on my sensitive heart. I know ive been using alot. You spend soo much on me and maybee im getting used to it that sometimes i get too far. Spending like nobody bussiness. I guess i have to stop spending ur money and use mine. I'll stop so u can save more. And i hve to start saving too. Focus more on things that i need rather then the things that i want. But do you know that i always feel ashamed whenever i hve no money and you hve to pay it for me... I do actually hve tht feelings. I'll cut down on it ok. 1st is need not what i want.

they

What am i compared to them. What do i have that they dont. Im not like them & will nvr be like them. I can never be like them. Im afraid one day he'll get tired of this imperfection of myne. But i hope it'll never happen. Because if it does i dont think i can smile again

ask

Look at you now. How far have you go. Close your eyes hear ur breathing and ask yourself. Where's the limit you set for yourself? The promise you made to ur father tht he can trust you? Where did it all go? Why drown yourself too much on lust instead of letting your love conquers you, your princip and your beliefs? Why surrender most of it when you promise to do it only after he's rightfully yours? Because you love him? I know you do. Just dont forget yourself. Dont forget how hard you protect your dignity as a woman so far. Dont forget how much your father believes in you. Trust him Most importantly trust yourself that you will never go beyond that. Because if you do. Its not anyone's fault but yourself and i know you will never forgive yourself even if no one will know what had happen. Thats the only thing a woman should keep for the man she loves after they are rightfully together.